“Christian Dating in the Church: What You Need to Know”

Part 1: How to Build a Strong Relationship with the Lord

In contemporary society, particularly in England, gentility is reminiscent of a bygone era. Many have regressed to juvenile behaviour, while respect for one another is on a slow but positive upward trend. We, as men, may have lost sight of what it truly means to be a gentleman. In various churches, I have observed some young men displaying a level of disrespect towards the women within the congregation. As a Christian, I believe that women in the church are viewed as precious as diamonds in the eyes of the Lord. Thus, gentlemen must conduct themselves respectfully in the church and beyond. The church should serve as a sanctuary, free from flirtation and unrefined advances towards the ladies.

When I embraced my faith as a born-again Christian, I prioritised nurturing my relationship with the Lord. I committed to daily Bible study and fervent prayer in new tongues. During that time, I recognised my position as a newcomer in the church, unprepared for romantic relationships, and dedicated to seeking the Lord’s guidance to become a respectful gentleman. Before being filled with the Holy Spirit, I displayed the typical behaviours of a worldly man, often lacking respect for others. However, by the grace of God, I transformed into a new person, empowered by the

Building a strong connection with the Lord is essential, especially in the early stages of one’s faith journey. His guidance offers invaluable wisdom, profoundly shaping our spiritual lives and character. If you’ve explored Christian dating platforms, you may have noticed that many women seek partners with a deep relationship with the Lord. This principle is not just beneficial; it is fundamentally essential for any significant relationship.

Consider Adam and Eve, the first couple who enjoyed a close relationship with the Lord in the beautiful Garden of Eden. Adam experienced safety and security in that sacred space, reflecting God’s desire for a personal bond with each of us. We don’t need to set aside a specific day from our busy schedules to nurture this relationship; it is always available. Although the Garden of Eden has long since faded and Adam’s time on earth has ended, the heart of the Lord remains eternal. Whenever someone receives the Holy Spirit, we renter Adam’s role.

The Garden was a place of perfect growth, much like our lives and relationships, which continually evolve despite the seasons we encounter, including hardships and trials. Praising the Lord when everything is going well is undeniably easier, but true resilience shines through during challenging times. From my own experience, these moments of struggle have been instrumental in strengthening my bond with the Lord. After over twelve years of being a Christian, my most difficult periods have been pivotal in deepening my faith and relationship with Him.

A few years back, I received a heart-wrenching call from my grandmother. She revealed that my 31-year-old cousin had only days left to live. I put on a brave face for her sake but couldn’t hold back the tears once I hung up. The reality of her struggle with complications from diabetes hit me hard; she had already lost her sight and toes. It was a painful moment that continues to resonate with me, a reminder of the fragility of life. There are reasons for sadness that weave through our existence, yet I’ve come to see them as seasonal—temporary phases in the grand scheme of things.

I held onto hope, praying for a miracle while dreading the inevitable phone call I didn’t want to answer. A few days later, that call came, and my grandmother’s sobs over the line confirmed my fears. My sorrow enveloped me, triggering sweet memories of childhood—playing hide and seek and serenading neighbours with Christmas carols. In those heavy moments, it was tempting to question God, yet I came to realise that death exists in tandem with life.

One day, we all face our mortality, but my bond with Jesus transcends earthly life. He brings everlasting strength. At my cousin’s funeral, which I prefer to call the Day of Prayers, my focus shifted to family, friends, and the nurse who had cared for her in those final days. It’s during moments like these that the shared human experience of grief connects us deeply, and her passing ultimately drew me closer to God.

Life is undeniably challenging, yet I am reminded that I am called to live by grace. Dark seasons are inevitable, but light comes from darkness, which shines through Jesus Christ. On the day of the funeral, I felt His presence not just with me but surrounding my entire family, offering solace in our time of need.

A good life is a strong prayer life. We are encouraged to pray to God through the bible. He invites us to open our hearts and minds to Him, fostering a deep and meaningful connection. He desires to continually reveal His presence to us in various roles: as our Heavenly Father, our Savior, the source of eternal life, our provider, healer, and comforter. He acts as our counsellor, judge, and the one who convicts us of sin. Additionally, He is a refuge for the oppressed, an encourager, and the giver of spiritual gifts—forming an intricate tapestry of support and guidance.

To nurture a meaningful relationship with one of the sisters in the church, cultivating a strong prayer life is essential. Engaging deeply with the Lord requires us to be active, full-time church community members. While we may occasionally find it challenging to join the Sunday service, intentionally carving out time for fellowship remains beneficial. Embracing contemporary methods can significantly enhance our community’s connection and spiritual growth opportunities.

Part 2: The Ultimate Guide to Being a Gentleman Today

Smart and stylish, a true gentleman embodies grace and confidence. His sharp attire and poised demeanour speak volumes, making him the perfect companion for any beautiful lady. With a blend of intelligence and charm, he protects, respects and compliments her elegance, ensuring that she feels like the princess she truly is. Together, they create an aura of sophistication and admiration wherever they go.

I am immensely grateful for the extraordinary woman who has shaped my life in more ways than I can express. Growing up, my grandmother was my guiding light, an undeniable presence that will always hold a cherished spot in my heart. She imparted invaluable lessons during my formative years, teaching me everything from the simple act of tying my shoes to the intricacies of reading a clock, manners at the table, and respecting others.

Her influence turned my otherwise challenging childhood into a tapestry of joyful moments. Every memory we created together is a treasure I hold dear, and I am eternally thankful for those times. I often find myself replaying those memories and sharing her teachings with others, keeping her remarkable spirit alive until I meet Jesus Christ.

The influence of women in my life has been profound, especially since I embraced the Holy Spirit and began my journey of faith. Joining the church felt like being reborn, surrounded by a tapestry of strong, nurturing women who became my mentors and guides. The support and wisdom I received from the older ladies in the congregation were invaluable as I navigated this new path, learning to shed old habits and embrace a life of grace.

Their experiences enriched my understanding of community and sisterhood, revealing the beauty of their bonds—a radiant constellation of strength and compassion. I approached my interactions with reverence, recognising the depth of their journeys and the invaluable lessons they had to offer. In this nurturing environment, I discovered spiritual guidance and a profound love for the sisterhood that flowed endlessly from the heavens. Each connection felt like a divine gift, supporting my growth as a new man striving to live a life inspired by the Holy Spirit.

I suggest that any young man considering approaching one of the young sisters should spend time with older ladies in the church to learn some important lessons. One of the most vital skills for a gentleman is the ability to listen. Women appreciate it when men take the time to listen to them.

When I first became a Christian, I spent much time in fellowship at coffee shops with one of the more experienced ladies, sharing thoughts and opinions on various topics. Both women and men want to feel important and recognised in the world. Everyone has the right to express themselves and should be given the space to celebrate their unique personalities. To connect with anyone, it is essential to let them speak freely. We develop a desire to listen to others because we genuinely care about them and want to understand them better.

Often, we spend too much time talking and not enough time listening. I work with many angry and violent individuals, and my best tools are my ears. I enjoy gathering key information to better understand a person’s experience. So, young gentlemen, it’s time to listen to the daughters of God.

Part 3: How to Be a Gentleman in Everyday Life

Living in England, I have noticed a disheartening decline in the emphasis on good manners within our culture—qualities that once defined us as a nation. We pride ourselves on saying “please” and “thank you,” it can be quite frustrating when I witness disrespectful behaviour in public spaces. I understand that manners can vary greatly across different cultures. As someone immersed in British society, I don’t necessarily expect individuals from other backgrounds to adopt our customs, but I do experience a point of cultural friction.

I recall waiting for a bus with fellow Brits a few years back. We consider ourselves champions at queuing in the UK, and stepping out of line is a serious faux pas. Older generations often quickly remind someone who might dare to cut in line. One particular instance involved a group of young students from Holland, who, in their eagerness, surged to the front, oblivious to the line we had formed. They were soon corrected and learned the unspoken rule to return to the back. I sympathised with them; they meant no disrespect but navigated a cultural difference. It highlighted to me the intricate tapestry of social customs we all navigate.

As gentlemen, we should always make way for the ladies, not only in church but in society, too. These simple rules will bring nothing but success in looking for a wife. In my church, the younger men are gentlemen who are always willing to serve others and mindful of how their behaviour can affect the ladies in the church. If a church is full, and a lady walks into a church, then be a gentleman and offer the sister your chair. We need to love and take care of our sisters in the Lord. This will make their heavenly father very happy.

Cultivating the qualities of a true gentleman is essential. When I embarked on my Christian journey in 2012, I found myself questioning everything and striving for self-improvement. In my past life, I was often seen dancing in nightclubs, lacking the respect that all women deserve. However, my transformation began with a newfound awareness of my actions and their impact on others.

Initially, my shyness made engaging with others challenging, but I dedicated the first couple of years to personal growth. Deepening my relationship with God, participating in fellowship, and nurturing the Holy Spirit were crucial steps in this process. I realised the Bible is an unparalleled guide for enhancing character and personality.

Driven by my desire to embody the values of the Kingdom of Heaven and set an exemplary standard for the church, I sought resources on manliness and etiquette. One particularly valuable read was “The Art of Manliness,” authored by the dynamic duo Brett and Kate McKay. This insightful book is a fantastic resource for young men and those more seasoned, all aspiring to better themselves.

The lessons I’ve gleaned from the book cover many topics, including how to treat women with the utmost regard. While I don’t profit from recommending this book, I wholeheartedly encourage my followers to explore its wealth of wisdom.

I could easily fill a book with insights on embodying the perfect gentleman. That’s precisely why I proposed this book—I’ve dedicated countless hours to its wisdom and absorbed countless lessons from videos on YouTube. During my early years, I remained single, but my perspective shifted in 2016 when I finally approached one of the sisters from the church. This marked four years into my journey as a Christian. I made a point to engage with her thoughtfully and respectfully. I would hold doors open, walk outside the pavement, shield her from oncoming traffic, and prioritise active listening—all in the spirit of genuine respect and consideration.

Part 4: How to Choose the Perfect Date for Your Relationship

Asking a woman out can be one of the most daunting challenges a man faces. The prospect of approaching her and suggesting a meet-up in a pleasant setting can feel more intimidating than facing a pack of lions. In today’s world, many people are turning to Christian dating sites to form new connections. The dynamics of dating within the church have significantly transformed over the years, drifting away from the traditional notion of childhood friends from Sunday school marrying into adulthood.

Historically, it was common for two Christians to meet while studying at university, often through groups like the Christian Union (CU), which facilitated the growth of friendships. However, the experience of falling in love is usually far removed from the idealised scenarios portrayed in films. In modern England, social interactions have become less frequent, and many men have overlooked the importance of asking a woman out on a date. This trend may not be as pronounced in other parts of the world, where singles continue to find meaningful connections by participating in various social events.

The online dating market will reach approximately 462.5 million users by 2029. When asked how people commonly meet their partners, they increasingly point to online platforms. Among the numerous options available, many online dating sites are specifically designed for Christians. While I won’t delve into the specifics of any site, it’s essential to acknowledge the broad spectrum of effective and less desirable platforms available today.

Within the church community, we have transitioned from limited dating options to an overwhelming array of possibilities found online. This abundance can be daunting, particularly for men who may find themselves juggling multiple conversations at once. It’s important to consider how these interactions align with church values; for instance, approaching single women directly for dates may not always reflect the behaviours we uphold in our community.

While I will not dictate how you should navigate your dating journey, I encourage you to prioritise seeking guidance from the Lord in your experiences. Reflecting on my journey, I have found this approach to be invaluable.

Communication must always be respectful; it is acceptable to flirt, but there must be clear boundaries regarding the language used on the date or even before it. Today, we use video calls or engage over the phone, yet the rules must remain in place. It is too easy for the conversation to drift into areas that do not reflect the Christ-like mindset we should strive for. This does not mean we are always talking about Christ and themes from the Bible. We aim to know someone better and see if we are a match. It is perfectly fine to have hobbies and watch television and films not based on Christianity, but we need to rely on the Holy Spirit to discern what is appropriate and what is not.

There are a lot of shy men out there who may find it difficult to hold a long conversation. This may surprise you, but women can also feel shy. If you are going on a date, you are a brave gentleman.

When planning a first date, choosing a location that ensures the lady feels comfortable and safe is crucial. Opting for popular and populated venues, such as a quaint café or a bustling park, can create a welcoming atmosphere. This approach fosters a sense of security and encourages genuine connection, making it less ideal to venture into secluded areas or extended walks where privacy might feel overwhelming.

A primary objective of your first date should be establishing trust and rapport, so selecting a setting conducive to meaningful conversation is beneficial. Maintaining personal boundaries is wise; avoid physical contact unless you receive explicit consent, respecting her personal space. As a Christian gentleman, demonstrating sensitivity and respect in these early interactions will lay a solid foundation for a more profound connection.

It’s common to feel anxious during your date’s initial five to ten minutes. Whether this is just a casual outing or a meeting that could lead to a lifelong partnership, such as finding a future spouse, the importance of being grounded remains the same. For those who identify with the teachings of Christ, approaching dating with the intent of finding a life partner is aligned with scriptural principles.

Engaging with a fellow Christian nurtures the potential for a deep relationship and offers a chance to share enriching fellowship. God cherishes the connections formed between individuals, so it’s beneficial to prioritise this aspect over merely assessing the date itself. Building a friendship can provide a strong foundation that may evolve into a more committed relationship.

Starting this journey from a place of health and stability is essential. Instead of rushing into deep emotional waters, take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that, with Jesus Christ at the centre of your interactions, you can navigate the experience gracefully. Additionally, remain open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit throughout your engagement; this divine influence can lead to meaningful conversations and connections.

I may not be a dating expert, but I have accumulated a wealth of experiences across various social scenarios. If you find yourself going on multiple dates, remember that each has its value. There’s no such thing as a bad date. While things may not unfold as you had hoped—perhaps you and your date decide to part ways—it’s important to take a moment to reflect afterwards. Each date offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and insight.

Firstly, you’ll discover more about yourself as each experience unfolds differently, presenting various lessons. Secondly, these one-on-one interactions with women provide you with invaluable perspectives.

 

Furthermore, seeking guidance from members of your church can be incredibly beneficial. Churches often foster long-lasting relationships. When you encounter couples together for over 50 years, please take the opportunity to learn from their experiences. The insights gleaned from such enduring partnerships are treasures that can enrich your understanding of relationships.

It’s important to approach relationships with a sense of ease and to refrain from overanalysing every detail. If you seek a life partner, trust that the Lord will nurture that bond, especially when the Holy Spirit guides you. Remember, at the heart of any fruitful relationship and marriage is a connection with Jesus Christ, the foundation for lasting love and partnership.

“Christian Dating in the Church: What You Need to Know”

DTA – Neil McBride

(CEO and founder of Downtown Angels)